Three words that define your life journey and why?

Grateful, wonderful, and exciting.

Grateful for all the things that God gave me. He gave me a wonderful loving family to grow up with. Grateful for my husband who I loved, and for our children and the family that we created. Grateful that I never really had to struggle, I did well in my life. 

Wonderful. When I look back at my life and the friends that I made, my husband, my children, it was always a happy time. Of course everybody has low times but most of my times were happy. I've lost both of my parents, my brother and my sister, my whole family from old age mostly. My husband and my son passed away last year. That was very sad, but I survived everything. I have a good life. I enjoyed the places I've moved to, I enjoyed my business. My children are all settled. Nothing is perfect, but I’ve lived a wonderful life, l think I’ve been lucky and blessed really.

Exciting. Oh life has been very exciting. I was born in New York City and grew up there. I’ve had friends that I grew up with since I was 9, most of them are gone now but we had exciting times. We traveled together on vacations with our families. I was in a community theater group and part of plays. I had a restaurant for 40 years. All the kids worked there and everyone was there. That was an exciting part of my life. I was doing what I wanted to do and still raised a family.

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Tell us about your upbringing. Who had the biggest impact on who you are today?

My mother had a great influence on me. She was a wonderful woman, very giving, very beautiful, very friendly. My father was the same way. She ended up getting sick with tuberculosis when I was 3, so I lived with my grandmother for a few years while my brother and sister stayed with my father. My uncles also lived with my grandmother, young guys, about 25. In the mornings, my grandmother used to say to me, "Joanie, bring in the tea to the boys," so I would bring in a cup of tea to each of them and when I went in they were all so happy to see me. "Oh, Joanie's here with the tea!" I was very loved in that house. I was loved everywhere I went really. Maybe that's what gave me this idea that if you serve somebody, they're going to be happy to see you.

My parents were so welcoming. Their apartment was always full of people and parties. After the bars closed in New York City, everybody would come up to my mother's house. She was a very good cook. She’d make scrambled eggs, feed everyone, and they would talk for another hour or so before they'd go home. It made me feel like everyone is the same, whether they're a rich person or a poor person or a movie star — everybody is a person. I was never held back from being myself with my mother, with my family. I was the youngest in the family, I was always welcomed and spoiled a little bit, and I enjoyed it. (laughs).
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Do you think your parents' welcoming spirit influenced you to have a restaurant?

Definitely. My mother was warm and welcoming. Her door was always open, and my door is always open. Her hospitality influenced me and I learned a lot from her, and I guess that's how I got into the business of cooking and feeding people — I liked the atmosphere of taking care of people.

Were you a close family?

Yes, very close. My brother lived with my mother until she passed away. My father died early when he was about 55. My mother stayed single for the rest of her life. My brother and sister were 9 and 10 years older than me, they took very good care of me. My brother was my buddy, he was my go-to man in my family. Later in life, we used to hang out together and go to museums with my children when I lived in the city. 

You've had friendships that have lasted a lifetime. What has it meant to you to have those connections span so many decades?

Oh, it's wonderful, it's absolutely wonderful. They were a great part of my life. We were always together and stayed close no matter where we were. They all had different personalities, it was almost like having 6 personal psychoanalysts.(laughs). There was always somebody you could  go to, they were your advisors when you were sad or in trouble. You'd call them up when things got bad and they'd talk you down. You know, you’d sometimes fight with your friends, get mad but it never lasted, you just let it go. An hour later you’d be calling them up like “Hey”. (laughs.) That’s one thing I try to instill in my children, or anybody really, to not dwell, to let it go and get over stuff. You can’t do anything about what someone does in their life. They are going to make mistakes, and do things that aren’t great and you just stay steady and be there for them.

We were all from the same neighborhood in the city and we met on the streets, this was around 1947. We had a lot of our children together in the city, they were all born around the same time. (laughs) When I lived in New York, we had a whole crowd of people that used to go to the park on 67th street and hang out and just talk about what happened the day before, our husbands or whatever. You know what it's like to have a friend, you could tell them things that you couldn't tell your mother or your father or whatever. There was always this camaraderie, this feeling of love between us, and we were all connected in some ways.

How did you meet your husband Mike?

His sister, Mary, was my best friend. She worked in a little coffee shop at the ice cream bar on 65th street and 3rd Ave. I went over to visit her right after Christmas, just before New Year’s eve and said, "Mary, what are we going to do for New Year's eve?" And who's there sitting at the counter? Her brother Mike. He blew me away, I was like, "Ooo, that guy is nice." I keep telling everybody that there was just something about him. We start talking and he says, "I have to go down and pick up a suit because I'm going to this dance on New Year's Eve," and he says, "You want to take a ride?" So I took a ride and we went to this restaurant and we were sitting there talking before he picked up his suit. Then he said, "Are you doing anything on New Year's Eve?" And I said “No, Mary and I don't have a date” — you know, I was very truthful as a young kid. (laughs) And he says, "Well, neither do I and neither does my friend Jim, so maybe we can double date because we got tickets to go to this thing and we don't have dates." So I went with him and that was it. I was about 16. We were married for 70 years.

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You are one lucky lady, Joan.

I am lucky. I am lucky, how about that.
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You've built an extraordinary family, 7 children, 16 grandchildren, and 9 great-grandchildren. What has motherhood taught you?

I was very young when I became a mother, I was only 20 when I had my first child and I had 3 kids back to back like bop bop bop. (laughs) Motherhood is really hard, it tugs at your heart. My mother-in-law always used to say, "When children are young they eat your food, and when they're old they eat your heart," and that was always stuck in my brain. It's true. 

You gotta go through a lot of things, especially in this day and age, to make children grow up to be adults. You gotta mold them in a way. You lead them but you don't lead them like a cat tail — you shouldn't expect too much. You can’t think, "My child has to do this and my child has to do that." No, you feel the kids out and let them do what they want, well up to a certain point. You're not too strict, you're just strict enough. Don't expect your children to do anything that you didn't do. You gotta teach them but you gotta teach them right, teach them love and teach them how to respect people. That's very important. 

I’ve learned that I can't live without my family. Everyone takes care of me now that I'm older, and they worry about me. I enjoy it. I love my kids. Family is very important to me, they’re a big part of who I am.

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Tell us the story behind your restaurant. 

I was always interested in food, restaurants, and taking care of people, so I worked in a couple of places as a waitress and I just wanted one of my own. When I moved to New Hampshire I was lucky enough to buy a little coffee shop. I worked at the bookstore and I found this little coffee shop around the corner. The backbar was this beautiful wood art deco design, and I just fell in love with it. I said, "Oh, that's so pretty, this would be such a nice coffee shop to have. This could be my restaurant." Then it came up for sale. I had to fight for that. Well, I didn't have to fight for it, but my husband Mike and I were two entirely different people. He was a lovely man, I'm not talking badly about Mike. He was a highly intelligent person. Without his help I suppose I couldn't have done some of the crazy things I did. (laughs)

We were looking at the coffee shop for the longest time and after sometime the guy called me at my mother’s house and said, "Joan, you gotta make up your mind. I’ve got another buyer. You either buy the place, or you can't have the place." I really wanted it. Mike was there and he said, "Well, forget about it. We'll do it another time." My heart fell. I said, "No, this can't happen. I can't lose this." So I got on the phone, Mike was in front of me, and I said, "Yeah, we'll take it." We borrowed some money from my mother for the down payment and we bought the coffee shop and named it The Stage. That took a lot of courage.

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How old were you?

I was 50.

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What was the philosophy behind your restaurant?

To have really good food, and to not be afraid to get creative with our menu. To be friendly to people, gracious and accommodating — to really make sure you pay attention to your customers. They are your business, making sure your customers are taken care of is your job. And that's about it.

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How long did you own it?

‍37 years. It's still there, my son runs it now.

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What has being an entrepreneur taught you about yourself?

It taught me that sometimes I'm impatient. Like, God, what is that person doing? You know, it's tough to be a restaurant owner. You're trying to make the customers happy, you're trying to make the waitresses happy, the cook happy, and the managers happy. You’ve got to make everybody happy, but sometimes you lose it. But that was okay, it always worked out.

You’d be in the kitchen during the busy time and everybody would be yelling and cursing at each other doing wild things, and this would go on for like 2 hours or so. Then right after that the shift would be over, everybody would go sit down and have a drink, eat, be best friends, and laugh about everything that happened. It was the funniest thing. I always loved that. It was so much fun. 

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Your grand-daughter Molly shared a post on Instagram about your dream to become a model a few months before your 90th birthday. Many of us are so inspired by this, what’s the story behind this?

Well, let me think. My husband passed away and I really felt like I wanted to get a job, I just wanted to get back to work. I don't know, I'm nuts I guess. I was watching TV one day and I saw all the models and I thought to myself, wouldn't it be fun to be a model? I think I could handle that. I was talking to Molly about it and she said, "Oh, we'll fix that up. We'll get you to be a model. We'll do a photoshoot." And just like how I approached everything else in my life, I said, "Okay, why not?"

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I love that, why not?

Yes, why not? Why not try? And the funny thing is, I called my friend Margie who is the same age as me, she's one of the people who are still around. I told her what was going on and we were laughing and she said, "I'm a model too, Joan." I almost died. It was so funny. 

It feels like you've always had this sense of adventure and it’s a vital part of who you are.

Yes. I think that's what it is. They used to call me "Joanie Alonie" when I was a kid because I used to go off and just do things on my own. If nobody wanted to go to the museum, I'd go by myself. If nobody wanted to go to the movies, I'd go by myself. You know, I couldn't get everybody to do everything I wanted to do, so I would go by myself. 

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You were always very curious and courageous too.

Very courageous. I used to do some courageous things. Things that could have gotten me in trouble but didn't. (laughs)
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Going back to opening the restaurant and modeling, how do you have the gusto and confidence to just go for what you want?

It’s just the way I think, I say, "Hey, I'll try that. That sounds like fun. Why not" 
I'm going to tell you something. Right now I would love to get a food truck. I mean I'd really love, if I had the capabilities, to get a small food truck and just serve food that I cook.

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Why?

I don't know. Probably because I want to be out there — I’m still social. There are times when I want to be by myself, but when I do decide I want to be out there, I want to meet, see, and talk to people.

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Were you ever afraid to fail?

No. That's one thing I was never afraid of. I don't know why, but I never focused on that. Like I said earlier, if something didn't work out, I just forgot about it. I never dwelled on it. I’d say, "Oh well, I'll do something else." That's the attitude I had. I'll go somewhere else, I'll do something else, I'll try something else. I'm not afraid of life. That's one thing I know.

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What are some principles or tenets that guide you?

To treat people with respect. To be good to others, you know, you just don’t go around hurting people. I’m not religious but I do read the bible, and I do believe that it helps you to be a better person. To make myself and others happy. That's it.

Why is having purpose or meaning in life important?

‍Because God put me here for a reason and I don't want to waste my life. I don't want to just be sitting down saying goodbye, thinking about when I was younger, or "Oh boy, poor me, poor me, poor me." No. The purpose is to make other people happy and to try to make yourself happy and to try to be proud of yourself.

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During moments and periods in your life that were difficult, how did you find your way through it?

I just lost my son last year in August, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life. I lost my husband in January, but he was 94, he was sick and was in pain. My son was in pain too, but he was only 67, he died from cancer. He was still a boy to me. That was one of the hardest things I ever went through. I still think about it, but I try to be brave like he was brave. He was a sweetheart. Everyone was crushed, it wasn’t only me. I found strength through my family, through prayer.

How do you deal with life's uncertainties, life's unknown?

I try the best that I can to do something about it, and if I can't, I don't dwell on it. I don't just sit there and bang my head against the wall and say I'm going to try this again, and try it again, and again. No, I just say, "This isn't working. I just have to leave it up to somebody else, to God." It's not viable to do something I can't do. I do what I can, what I'm able to do at the moment.

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Can you share how courage, joy, and grace have shown up in your life?

I have a lot of courage. It's shown up through death, when people were leaving me. I needed the courage to get through that, my mom, my brother, my sister, my husband, my son, people that are really close to me. I needed the courage to keep going. 

It has shown up in moments when I would go to work, I have a big family and a lot of responsibilities and I had the restaurant. I always felt like I needed courage for this. 

Oh, I've had a lot of joy. It's always here. Joy is just being able to live. The whole ball game. The sun in the morning and the friendships and everything. I love to laugh. I love jokes, I love making others laugh and making them happy

And grace, I see it in places that I go, the beauty, the good food, the good people, the laughter.

What have you learned about love?

All loves are different and it can come and go. 

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When you think about the woman you've become after 90 years, what are you most proud of?

Being alive. I don't feel 90. I don't know what 90 is supposed to feel like. I feel good, except I feel bad that I can't walk 3 blocks or something without having my legs be a pain in the ass. But that's it, other than that I feel really good.

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What are you most excited for?

I just came back from Spain and I am really glad to be back on the couch (laughs). For happiness, for having the family together. I like meeting my grandchildren. I love people. I'm still adventurous. I like to try new things, have new experiences. I like excitement, I want to travel, just want to go out and enjoy people and life and the cities and the food — just enjoy life.

If you could sit down with your younger self, maybe at 30 or 40, what would you want to tell her?

I think I would like to tell her just to go on with what you did because I had a lot of fun. I loved my life. I have no qualms about my life. I loved the ups and downs and everything that went with it. It’s part of life, part of growing up, part of being a mother, part of being a wife, part of being a person.
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What do you wish you had known then?

Oh, to stay out of the sun so I wouldn't get so many wrinkles. (laughs)
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Looking back, in what ways have you surprised yourself?

Probably that I'm 90 and I'm not doing too bad. 

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What advice would you give to someone who is in pursuit of chasing their sunshine?

Try, to try all the things. Don't give up. Don’t be afraid. Don’t dwell on things. Life is long and tedious, at times it's hard, and not easy. The world owes you nothing. You have to make it yourself, all by yourself. Each person is their self, and what they make of life is what they did. Try to do something that makes you happy in your work. Nothing's easy, but you try. Learn from other people. Do the best you can. Do it gracefully and with gusto.